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Moving Back Home
The last time you lived at home you were a child, a hapless, rebellious high-school kid who didn't know half of what the world had to offer, had no idea of what the future held, and who more than likely suffered from a constant, low-grade level of annoyance with your parents. You were a teenager, just getting ready for one of the biggest transitions on your life: You were about to go from the confines of the home you had always known to the great big unknown of the world of college.
It probably seems like a lifetime ago.
But now, after four-or five or six-years of college, you're more than likely getting ready to reverse that momentous trip. Whether you have a job that doesn't start for a few months or you're simply taking a few months off and plotting your next move, the fact remains that there will likely be some period of time during which you'll be living with your parents again. And like it or not, there's no escaping the fact that it could be a little bit weird. Unless, that is, you plan accordingly and go into it with the right attitude.
Forthwith, then, some advice.
Don't Fight It
The first thing you have to realize is that there's no shame in moving back home for a period of time. In fact, this should become your daily mantra, and it should be repeated every morning as soon as you wake up and roll out of bed: "There's nothing wrong with being here, there's nothing wrong with being here..." Because the truth is that, no matter how much you wish you weren't back home, many people have to do exactly the same thing.
That having been said, however, you'll still probably find yourself a bit confused. And so will your parents. Because for the first 18 years of your life, you were your parents' baby, and no matter how old you were, no matter how big you had gotten as the captain of the high school football team or how popular you were by the end of your senior season on the pep-squad, you were still a kid. You couldn't vote, you didn't pay your own taxes, and all your medical expenses were covered by your parents' insurance. Heck, you probably had to get permission from some high school teacher or another to get up and go to the restroom during class. So from your parents' point of view, you were still their child, their responsibility.
But then you went away to college, and the paradigm shifted. They no longer had control over your everyday life. You were on your own, doing your own laundry, eating as well or (more likely) as poorly as you wanted to. And whether you spoke to your parents once a day or once a month, you still were, in a very real sense, on your own. And believe it or not, they got used to it, just like you did.
So now, it's not only going to be a bit strange for you, but for them, too. They also fell into a new routine while you were away at school. They likely rediscovered what they loved about each other in the first place, before you came along. So now, it's crucial to realize that the transition is going to affect everyone. So, no: Don't fight it. The first step is accepting that it's going to be a bit on the weird side, and then moving on from there.
The New Status Quo
There's a commercial on TV these days for a certain cruise line. It features sad, bewildered-looking people, back home after a cruise with this company, saying things like, "This time last week, I was brought tea and crumpets in bed every morning." Or, "A month ago, I got a back massage every evening before dinner." This is what you'll probably feel like. Because college is like nothing else you'll ever experience, and the transition from the excitement and freedom of it is one of the most difficult things young adults ever have to do. A week ago, a month ago, however-long-ago, you went to parties every night, slept until noon, had classes with brilliant professors, and had access to dozens of friends within a few block's walking distance. Now, of course, you may feel like cursing the oh-so-flawed logic of that John Donne guy you learned about in poetry class, the one who wrote, "No man is an island." He, quite obviously, never had to move back in with his parents after four years of college.
But just because everything may seem different now, it doesn't mean that it's necessarily bad. In fact, once you get over the fact that there's just no going back to that time of your life, you can begin the process of building your new life, or beginning the next phase, which, believe it or not, can be every bit as rewarding and exciting as college was. It'll just be different.
Bridge-Building
After a war, many experts on diplomacy stress the importance of bridge-building. In other words, they understand that nothing will ever get accomplished if some sort of understanding is not achieved between the two parties involved. And while moving back home is nothing at all like doing battle, it does, nonetheless, require a fair amount of bridge-building.
One of the hardest things for parents to accept when their child moves back home is how different he or she is from when they last lived there. Of course, one of the goals of good parenting is for the children to be prepared enough to move out into the world and make it on their own. And even though your successful completion of college has proven that they did, in fact, do a good job raising you, it nonetheless is very strange for them to actually live with the new you.
Maybe you cook differently than they do. Or perhaps you've taken to enjoying a glass of wine or beer with certain dinners. Maybe you have totally different political opinions than they do. The ways in which conflict can develop are limitless. However, the ways in which it can be resolved-or, even better, avoided-are actually rather straightforward. The single most important thing you can do to build bridges with your parents is to keep the lines of communication open. This means having honest, forthright discussions with them, and respecting their opinions, just as they will hopefully respect yours, despite the differences. One of the single most rewarding aspects of living back home is the transition that generally occurs as your relationship with your parents begins to morph into a more friendly, open one than it ever was before.
Beyond all else, though, it's important to take it all in stride. It won't be easy, and there will be both good days and bad. But eventually, when it's time to move out into your own place, you'll hopefully be able to look back on the time you lived at home and smile. Because if you let yourself, you might actually find yourself having a good time. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Article Submission by Brian Freedman.
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